Author Archives: ruthie1985

They, Spring Weather and Scooter Tricks

When Luke was Charlotte’s age, he declared to the world he was trans. That he was a boy, his name was Luke, and his new pronouns were he/him/his. He got a haircut and wore exclusively “boy” clothes and his life felt more authentic. Here we are, Spring 2019 with yet another 7 year old – Charlotte.


This sweet babe has declared, like their brother before them, that there needs to be a bit of a change.

We aren’t new.

We have been given a really great gift of acceptance and understanding for what our kids need and we put a lot of trust in them, knowing what they say is authentic and real.


“I’m not really a boy but not really a girl. I’m actually more like both. Kinda more boy but still girl, too.”

And so Charlotte’s new pronouns are “they/them.” You’d think there would be some huge shift and it’d be so hard to have all this happening but it’s not. The kids are much better at remembering their pronouns than I am. I slip up quite often but Charlotte gives me quiet reminders and that’s all I need. Their hair needs help – not their fault. It’s mine. I pretended I was Whitney for a hot second and when they said they needed shorter hair I though, “Hot dog, here we go. GO GET THE ELECTRIC RAZOR!” and shit fell apart. So give it a few weeks and it’ll actually look good.

They’re so beautiful aren’t they?

Speaking of beautiful, this Spring weather is magic. It’s perfect. It’s just over 70* right now and sending the kids out to play has made my life so much better.

I had a hysterectomy a couple weeks ago (that’s another future blog post titled: Mental illness and the need for everything to be removed from my body) so I’ve been needing to take it easy and the sunshine makes it easier.

The scooter tricks, my friends. The scooter tricks have returned.


The sass remains.



(I’m going easy on myself if you can’t tell. My pictures aren’t perfect. They’re blurry in places I don’t want them to be blurry and the lighting isn’t perfect. This is a gift I’m giving myself. The gift of not trying so hard to be perfect. It’s taken me so long to realize how important that is in order for me to be calm and content. So for this blog, these pictures, it’s changing a bit. I mean, not as if my photos were perfect before, duh, but I stressed over them far too much.)


Happiest Spring!


Too long

It’s been too long.

Since I last posted, so much has happened. For one, we bought a new house!



There is so much more room for activities! And life. It’s been amazing to have the extra room for the kids to run and play and we’ve enjoyed having a place to send the kids when things get a little hectic.


Our friends had babies! Baby Judith and Baby Yael have joined us. Both have been incredible blessings.

Baby Violet arrived and is already 8 months old! Violet has made our lives so much better just by being. She’s adorable and beautiful and hilarious (already) and we couldn’t love her more if we tried. I have a million pictures of her but I should ask her mama before I post online. She really is one of our very favorites.

The kids love school. We have a Kindergartener, 2nd grader, 4th grader, 6th grader and 8th grader. We have boyfriends and playdates and track and soccer and science projects and reading logs and everything you might expect from a house full of kids. We love it, even if it’s busy, and we really are thankful for it all.

My goal is to post more. It’s like therapy to post what’s happening in our lives and I think it would really be good for me to do more of it. Let’s see where it takes us.


xoxo, Ruthie

Updates. So many updates. But boring. Boring, boring updates.

Portland Life is busy.

Charlotte started gymnastics. She’s been begging to do gymnastics since we lived in the valley because B (her best friend) did it but we had so much going on that I just couldn’t do it. Oh man, she loves it. Her little body is a gymnast body. I’d estimate she has approximately 2% body fat and if given the chance, could lift an SUV with her pinky finger. She continues to stick to the boys – that rough and tumble play, the avoidance of conflict, basically she’s chill and hilarious and awesome.


Ollie has turned into the sweetest (yeah, even sweeter than she was), most energetic little thing. She’s so funny and just LOVES. She just loves. Everything. Everyone.


Francesca. Oh……..Francesca. She is something else. She has three friends: Rosie, Taco and Flower. She constantly asks me if she can take hand-drawn notes to their houses. Of course I say no because, well, these people don’t exist and it’d be just like her to walk to a random house and ask for Taco. Then she screams. Then she hits me. And then I tell her she’s being sassy and she screams, “I don’t want to be sasssssssyyyyyy!” and then the other kids tell her they’re gonna call the police and she freaks out all over again. Then she poses for a picture. Pops that hip. She’s something else, like I said.


James is amazing. The thing we miss the very most about the valley — Miss Amanda and Ms. Zipse. Ah, they are so amazing and we’re reminded of that every day. Unfortunately, the special ed program here is lacking. Lacking a lot. James doesn’t feel like he has a relationship with his “case manager” as they call her. He doesn’t like her at all and yesterday he told me that she doesn’t respect him and that just breaks my heart. We had an IEP meeting and it became quite clear that they didn’t believe his diagnosis or that any of what I’d explained as struggles for him were real. They wanted certain things off the IEP and that wasn’t happening so now they know that I’m not a pushover which is fine, but holy hell I miss Amanda and Marilyn. But James is beautiful and he has made a couple friends and had a few sleepovers and he’s funny and witty and so, so smart.


Luke has had an amazing first part of the year. First, he was invited (personally) by Chris Mosier to be his special guest at the Nike/GLSEN Youth Summit at Nike Headquarters. There, several groups of LGBTQ+ athletes spoke to junior high and high school students about their worth, their value, and their participation in sports. They also spoke about their experiences both in sports and out of sports. We saw Lacey Baker and Brian Anderson and got pictures and autographs. It was so amazing and Luke was on cloud nine the entire time. I try so, SO hard to give Luke everything he needs to feel happy and ‘normal’ and included and being a cis female makes it impossible for me to give him everything he needs. He needs role models in the LGBTQ+ community, HIS community, and ours too. I have no words to express how thankful I am for Chris and others like him who have shown him love and acceptance and shown what he can be and how to stand up for himself. Watching Luke in a setting like that is really beautiful as his mom, really emotional.


Maria is almost a teenager and it shows. Not in a bad way. She is still the mature, kind, patient, and beautiful girl she has always been but she spends more time with friends. She has an iPod that allows iMessage so she talks to her friends a lot through that. She has an Instagram “for her art” but we all know it’s really her way of getting a social media account. She has friends over all the time and we don’t mind at all because they are lovely. She’s a member of the GSA (gay-straight alliance), Feminist group, We Got You (a group for black and brown students and allies), meditation group (I have no idea what that’s actually called) and has stood up for herself and her friends to adults who have mistreated students or peers for unjust reasons. She’s also silly and loves fashion and fake nails and makeup and has caught on to all the teen lingo and it’s hilarious to watch. She’s a good egg.


Danny loves his job. LOVES it. He works at a PNW company that sells outdoor gear, mostly ski and snowboard stuff. They host events and art shows and all the employees are fun and easy going and have been so great for Dan. He wears skate clothes to work every day and doesn’t get any shit for his hair or beard (except maybe from me). He won a trip to Montana and is there now doing some cat skiing (is that what it’s called?) and hanging out with Burton peeps. His energy is calmer. He comes home from work happy and he’s able to leave work behind and enjoy the kids and me and his friends. He is the Danny I started dating 17 years ago and it makes me so happy to see him back in his natural habitat. 🙂

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I’m back in the stay-at-home-mom role. It feels strange because I feel like I should be doing something and getting results, tangible results that others see. That’s my own anxiety speaking, because I know that the little things I do here and there are seen and appreciated but when you’re at home doing laundry all day or trying to figure out how to email all 1st grade parents without every single email being shown on the “to” line or taking walks with little ones, it’s hard to see those results. I started running but then got sick and that was a really good excuse for me to stop (I’m good at excuses) and I haven’t started back up again but I know I should. I obsess over it. For someone who struggles with OCD, that’s not a good feeling to have, it feels all-consuming.

The friends I’ve made here are gold. I’m so thankful for Jenna and Chad, probably two of my closest friends here. They are fun and smart and real and are up to have fun or down to just watch tv and eat food. Those are the best kind, right? Leni and Luca and Jennifer and Nina and Evie and Molly — they’re amazing. And old friends who live here – Alex and Chris and Fran and Jordan and Simon and Chip and Carrie. I’m really lucky to have everyone. All the people. Oh, and Josh is here. He makes life pretty fun, too.

I shaved my head in October because I could. And now I’m just waiting for it to grow out. Typical Ruthie.

I’m attending Judaism classes and I love it. It resonates with me, all of it. I’ve been Catholic my whole life but it’s never been something that was really central to my being. I know that must sound awful to many people. I loved the traditions, yes. I loved the community, yes. But the teachings of the Catholic church are hard for me to accept and take as my own. I don’t agree with so many of them and it started to not feel right for me to continue practicing as a Catholic when I was really only doing it because it’s what I’d always done. I can’t be a part of a religion that doesn’t fully accept my son as he is: transgender. I don’t like that thought that something is wrong with Luke or he’s unnatural. That he doesn’t deserve the same rights as his Christian peers who are cisgender, straight. It’s hard for me to wrap my brain around. I have found the Jewish community to be loving, accepting, diverse (I LOVE that they question their own faith, that they have so many different opinions on things, that they have room in their religion for questions). I have found that their view of the world and our part in it aligns with mine – it feels like home.  We will see where these classes take me. It’s not a conversion class, so don’t freak out (if I know some of my readers, I know they will). It’s like a 101 class.  <—(like how I just kinda threw in that ‘tiny’ update amongst all this?)

Also, Jewish baking is amazing.

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And last but not least, I am SO PSYCHED that my parents are closer and closer to moving to Oregon!! We miss them more than anything and the kids especially. If my mom could just get fired, that’d be great. It’d give them an excuse to move over here faster 😉


So with all that, we’re great. We’re wonderful. We’re busy. We miss our valley friends but we’re making some amazing friends here.

Happy New Year

I can’t believe the last time I posted was last year! <— Dad joke.


Is it really a new year if you have a blog and don’t mention the new year in an entire blog post? No. I don’t think it is.


2017 was a huge year for us in a lot of ways:


  • I wrote a lot more. A lot more than I did before while getting paid for it.
  • Luke came out to the world as himself, a transgender boy.
  • We moved to Portland.
  • Dan quit his job (entirely) at Pepsi.
  • The kids started at a new school.


2017 had some really amazing spots in it. I loved the way my family rallied around us when Luke came out. I loved the way James’ teachers at Asotin worked their asses off to see him succeed. I loved moving from our small town to a large community. We got to march in the pride parade in Seattle. Pat and Lily moved and are so close to us now. We got Frida the Iggy. Danny started a job he adores. I met some people who I just love.


2017 had some really awful parts, too. My anxiety and OCD was at an all-time high. We said goodbye to friends in different ways. Trump became president and I watched as members of my beautiful family (and millions of others who share the communities of people we share) were criticized by him in various ways, many times. I cried more in 2017 than I think I ever have.


But I found people; I found my people in all of it. Some of them have been there all along, I just didn’t recognize how important they’d be to me until recently. I’m braver than I thought I was. I stepped out and trusted my gut even though it was really hard. I stood up to people who I was afraid of before and I found my voice when I needed it. I made friends with people who inspire me, people who give me hope.


I discovered that if people want to be offended, they will read into anything I write or say and make it about them and be offended, despite my disclaimers (because I’m paranoid and have anxiety that I will offend someone) that nothing is directed at anyone in particular. I’ve learned to tell my stories and truth anyway. I’ve learned more about loss and watched as friends said goodbye to parents or boyfriends or best friends. That’s the hardest. Grief is confusing and sucks and watching people you love go through it is awful.


I learned so much in 2017.


I don’t think 2018 is going to be some huge drastic transformation but I do know that the way I view situations and relationships and the pace of life has shifted. And I think that’s going to be a good thing for me.


  • Arguing over the internet over anything solves nothing. Sometimes, even if you feel like if you don’t speak up you have failed, it’s better to keep quiet. There are other ways to advocate. I get sucked in by trolls and I need to not get so worked up. Facebook is out for me now.
  • People won’t always empathize with me and my situation and I have to be okay with that. Everyone has something on their mind, hard things they focus on. It’s okay for not everyone to try and see my point of view. And it’s okay for me to be quietly disappointed but move on.
  • Things I value and think are important may be different than what other people value and think are important and that’s okay. I might think other people are dumb for it and they might think I’m dumb for it. But we don’t share exact experiences, so that’s to be expected.
  • Money doesn’t equal Happiness
  • Faith is more than religion and prayers and Sunday mornings.
  • The skateboard/snowboarding community is still the best community.
  • Social media can shake someone. And it’s okay to unfriend someone if it’s better for your mental health. I used to be SO offended when someone unfriended me, acted like it was a personal attack. Silly. Sometimes people unfriend you because it makes their lives simpler, less cluttered, more peaceful for any reason at all. And that’s okay. It’s weird what social media can do to one’s confidence.
  • Apologizing is necessary.
  • Forgiving is hard, but also necessary.
  • It’s never okay to be malicious.


In 2018 I will do more of what makes me happy. I will try and always be kind and generous even when it’s really, really, hard. I will raise my children to be global citizens – to care about the entire world, not just their neighborhood or their city or their culture. I’ll see more live concerts and take more classes and play more games with my kids. I’ll smile more and laugh more and try and be less self-conscious. In the past, I’ve been a friend that requires a lot of energy thanks to anxiety and ocd and probably a lot of other things – but this year I want to try and find ways to help manage all of that, things other than (and in addition to) medication.


(Oops, another disclaimer: YOU in the following is meant as a general YOU. Not to anyone specific. Hand to heart, I swear it.)

I want to apologize to anyone I’ve offended in 2017 (or before). If I ever mean to offend, I’ll make sure you know it (this is for anyone who attacks my family personally or any members of it)  — so please know that if you feel like I’ve directed my anger or frustrations or criticism towards you, and you are wondering, I haven’t. I want to apologize if you’ve been someone who has felt like they’ve had to change who they are to be my friend. I never want anyone to have to change who they are because they think I’m trying to make them. I’m not that powerful or influential, and I want you to know that I don’t think that of myself. I have a loud voice but that doesn’t mean I’m always confident. I know what is right for my family, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s right for everyone. If you feel like I’ve tried to make all of this true, I apologize.

I want people to know that while I may sound or read like someone who thinks she has it all figured out, I don’t. I want people to know that I’m always willing to hear you out and I will respect what you have to say as long as it’s not malicious or racist or homophobic or transphobic or xenophobic or any of those other -ics. If it is, I’ll walk away. I’m willing to hear what you have to say and talk about things even if we don’t see eye to eye.

I love to laugh and be silly and post snap chat after snap chat and Instagram after Instagram and I’ll still do it in 2018. I love Hamilton and hip hop and Bravo and my dog and spontaneity and routine (that sounded a little oxymoronic but meh). I love capturing moments and curating spaces and while I love order I also love chaos. I love my family and I love the spirits of each of my kittens. I love Jamie’s long hair and I love Luke’s goofy smile. I love Charlotte’s sass and I love Ollie’s dancing and singing. I love Maria’s kind heart and Francesca’s spunk. I love Danny’s easy going vibe and his trust. I love writing and blogging only when I want to (and mostly just for myself) and I love finding writers that feel like they are speaking to me. I love my friends: the ones back in the valley and the ones here. The ones I’m close to and the ones who I’m not as close with. All of them have given me something I will always laugh and smile about and love. That’s a true statement.

Happy New Year! ❤

Double 3s

My favorite person in the entire world is 33 today.

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33 Facts About Danny:

  1. He can quote Dumb and Dumber from the first word spoken to the last.
  2. His eyelashes are approximately 18” long.
  3. He knows how to swaddle a baby, very well.
  4. Even though every other cousin/sibling got to drive a sports car in high school, he got to drive a tiny, old (like…really old) bright blue Pepsi truck and was cool with it.
  5. My dad once called Pepsi to narc on that blue Pepsi truck for spinning circles in the ice of his parking lot.
  6. His love for Pendleton (the wool brand) runs deep.
  7. He’s super ticklish.
  8. He’s an amazing cook.
  9. He’s a foodie. He’ll try anything (seriously, think of the grossest thing, he’d probably eat it).
  10. He can name at least 10 My Little Pony characters AND name their cutie mark.
  11. He knows what a cutie mark is.
  12. He’s a great musician but will always tell you he sucks.
  13. He’s a gamer. 1st person shooter games are his favorite and you should see him sit with his headset, talking to his teammates who are probably 14 year old boys.
  14. He’s the best at pretending to be asleep.
  15. He loves and appreciates art of all types.
  16. He can almost curl his mustache.
  17. He is the reason there’s an amazing skatepark in Lewiston, Idaho. Hours and hours and hours AND HOURS were spent by him to get that put in. He’s created a place for the community, for everyone to use and was the last to ask for praise and thanks and compliments.
  18. He’s served on many boards of directors.
  19. He skateboards almost every day.Screen Shot 2017-12-22 at 2.12.55 AM
  20. He is up for any adventure, even if it requires a lot of work and effort for a short amount of time (i.e.: camping for one night with six kids)
  21. He should be a science or history teacher: he knows so much about that stuff (and is interested in it) and is amazing with kids.
  22. He wanted to go to culinary school after high school
  23. He makes the best cocktails.
  24. He’s insanely generous and would do anything anyone asked him if he thought it would help him.
  25. He can hang with older businessmen or teenagers at the skatepark and he can do both with ease. Everyone loves him.
  26. We were late to a dance once because he had to flat iron his hair.Screen Shot 2017-12-22 at 2.13.32 AM
  27. He’s a lover, not a fighter. I don’t think you could get in a fight with Danny if you tried.
  28. He loves chichorrones.
  29. He listens to every genre of music and can find something he likes in them all.
  30. He’s watched LOTR more times than I want to even try and count.
  31. He has the kindest soul of anyone you will meet and if you know Dan, you’re lucky.
  32. He’s always crazy cool, calm and collected.
  33. He can install a carseat in 10 seconds flat.


In short, Danny is amazing. He’s the best. If you know him, you know how kind and genuine and patient and generous he is. If you’re his friend, he doesn’t just love you, he loves your family, too, and will do anything for you. He’s the best dad and no one can make the kids laugh as hard as he can. He’s as authentic as they come. He cares about his family and would do anything to make sure we are happy and healthy. Some people base success and status on how much money you have or make, but Dan sees you as successful if you aren’t an asshole, you aren’t greedy, and you take care of your people, whoever your people may be, however they need to be taken care of.  Dan will get shit done – ask anyone who has asked a favor of him and they can confirm.

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Having severe anxieties and OCD can make me a frustrating person to live with. I need constant reassurance (“Dan, are you sure my headache isn’t a brain tumor?” “Dan, are you sure what I said was okay?” “Dan, are you sure x, y, or z doesn’t think I’m a bitch?” “Dan, are you sure……”) and sometimes I panic. Sometimes I can’t stop worrying about something and I’ll talk about it non-stop. Dan’s my constant. He’s the one thing I know will never change, will always be. He doesn’t get annoyed by me (at least he doesn’t show it) and he’s willing to help me talk things out if that’s what I need. I knew 16 years ago that he was my person and I’ve never once questioned or doubted that.

Being a parent of a child with special needs isn’t easy. It isn’t fun. It’s exhausting and frustrating and sometimes you feel like you are learning a new language as your child grows and changes and no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be fluent. But you still try. You change your life to accommodate your child’s and you find an extra voice inside you to to speak up for them when they need it. Dan is all of this.


Our family isn’t typical and I honestly can’t think of a Dad, husband, or, person even, who is better suited for it, who would be able to handle the really stressful, frustrating and hard times like Dan does and be as happy and fun and calm and hilarious and awesome no matter what.

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Dan, my friends, is a gem.

Happy Birthday, Danny, you’re the best of the best. ❤


Frida Kahlo (not the painter)

I’m not sure I’ve actually done a post yet about my pride and joy.

No, not my kids, dummies. My dog.

Yes, you heard me right, I actually love a dog. My dog. My adorable Italian Greyhound named Frida Kahlo.

I was quietly obsessed with Italian Greyhounds for a while and no it wasn’t because one of the Kardashians is, too. I actually really wanted a greyhound because Jenny had two and they were amazing. But having another big dog was not in the cards for us. I could, though, hide a small one for a while.

That led to my secret purchase the weekend we moved to Portland:

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Just look at her.

So she’s tiny and her legs are like toothpicks and when she runs she’s insane and when you carry her she looks like a fawn. She’s such a badass.

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My favorite thing? Her ridiculous instagram page in which I caption photos in her voice and sometimes score free stuff like Sojo dog food and dog clothes.


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I mean, we are Rip City.

And look at those rubber booties. I die. I die because it’s so dumb and hilarious and awesome.

She sleeps at my feet at night and doesn’t like leaving my side which I’m oddly okay with. I’m fresh out of babies so she’s the next best thing I guess.


(don’t worry, the kids and danny will always rank higher than Frida. But Frida is higher than Scout. Sorry.)

Hanukkah and new traditions with new friends in new places

Last year I wrote an article for Inland 360 about Hanukkah and what my friend Rachel taught me. I’ve always been interested in Jewish traditions despite not being Jewish myself. Since moving to Portland, my interest is even more. I’ve made many friends who are Jewish and watching them as they celebrate the new year and Hanukkah makes me want to be a part of it. And no, I’m not converting. If I’m being honest, I’m in a bit of a religion break at the moment. Faith can be a tricky thing sometimes.

(I’ve been made fun of for this, and say what you want. I don’t mind.)

I’m so thankful for friends who invite us into their lives and don’t think we’re weird or strange for wanting to learn and take part.

I’m even more thankful for friends who do things like throw my kids a Hanukkah party . DUDE. Jenna is amazing. My kids absolutely adore her and Isaac is just as good. They put SO much time and effort into an incredible day and my kids had a blast.

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(there’s me and Jenna)

She made latkes and donuts.

We played dreidel and ate our weight in gelt.

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We made menorahs and learned a couple prayers.

It was the best time.

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Do you know what it feels like to start over? To move somewhere completely new and put yourself out there, hoping someone will accept you and your family with all your quirks and weirdness but all your love and authenticity too? I know a lot of people know exactly what it feels like but we are experiencing this really strange and scary feeling for the first time. In the last couple months there have been friendships that haven’t carried over from our valley life to our Portland life and while that might make me really sad, I’m able to look at our Portland life and see the amazing people we’ve met here. Jenna and Isaac, who are always happy to see us, hug our kids, and be there when things might be hectic or hard. Mitch and Molly and baby Max who are so kind and friendly and always make our days happier. Chad who is freaking hilarious and freaking fun and just a solid friend. So many more.

I remember thinking to myself before moving, “I’m just going to not make any friends because it never turns out the way I think it should and I end up being sad no matter how hard I try. Remedy: no friends.”

That didn’t happen, I made friends. Really great ones.

Being here reminds me that the world is really big, something that was easy to forget before. It reminds me that things work out even when people doubt you and your choices and that happiness is more than a paycheck and a big house. Our little neighborhood is full of different people of different colors and different faiths and different sizes of paychecks and no one cares one bit. To me, that’s important.

There’s that guy who walks his husky and hates our Italian Greyhound. I’m not sure he really likes us much.

But other than that, we feel connected to the people here. We feel the vibe and if that sounds weird to you, maybe you haven’t found yours yet.