In August I decided to take some courses through our college to get a pharmacy technician certification. I’ve wanted to be a pharmacist since I was in high school. I volunteered down at the free clinic and actually worked as a pharmacy tech there. I loved it. I knew I wanted to be a pharmacist.
Then life happened. Six times. I compromised with myself and decided to ‘play’ pharmacist by getting this certification and maybe working part time somewhere. While I definitely could go back to school and become a pharmacist the reality of that happening was pretty low. My degree is in Business Management and Spanish. Not many science classes there. I’d have to go back and get all my science pre-reqs, some chemistry (involving labs no doubt) and THEN apply to pharmacy school. While also having 6 young children. Oh, yeah, and a husband. So, yeah, I said that pharm tech would be enough.
And then I started taking the classes. It became pretty clear pretty quickly that I wouldn’t be happy working as a pharm tech. I LOVE the science aspect of what I was learning. Knowing so much about different medications and the hows and whys of them is exactly why I wanted to be a pharmacist in the first place. I like school. I’m good at it and it keeps me busy and I need that. But…I knew that eventually, I’d feel like my pharm tech certificate wasn’t enough. I would get really bored with my limited responsibilities. I’d want to pretend I knew everything. Believe me, I know myself. I’d probably develop a really bad attitude. I knew I wouldn’t be happy. She’s restless, this one.
So I quit.
2 months into the program, hours and hours of studying and reading and test-taking (dude, good grades I might add) and Tuesday night labs and $$ in books and the course fee and I quit.
I was nervous to make the decision. It’s not cool to quit. It’s hard to start something big (I was taking 5 classes and a lab) and then less than 1/2 way through bag it. On one hand, I don’t care what people think. I will do things regardless of attitudes towards it if it’s something I believe in. On the other, though, I care what people think of me. Probably because I’m human. But it matters to me that people take me seriously and don’t see me as a flake, someone who can’t finish what they start.
But clearly I got over that.
Here’s what I know: I know that if I want something, I go after it. If I want to try something, I’ll try it and not worry about how weird or hard or silly it is. I’m proud of that. I’ve failed a million times, but I’ve had some really fun experiences, too. I know about a lot of things because I’m not shy or nervous or worried about learning about them and just doing it. If it’s something I am passionate about and that I believe in, I will see it through to the end. I also know what’s most important in life.
Life isn’t easy on its own. When mama has no extra time to play or talk or be nice because she’s always memorizing drug names and routes of administration and drug laws and ethics and then gets cranky because she also doesn’t have time for laundry or cleaning or fun extra stuff…life is even harder. So add to the fact that being a pharm tech isn’t my calling, that my kids were getting cheated out of a happy and fun mama — I had no qualms about throwing in the towel.
Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew. Sometimes, I think something sounds great and it ends up not being as cool for me as I think. Sometimes, I think I can do a lot more than I really can and I learn that I can’t. Sometimes, I take a leap and end up falling instead of flying.
Meh, I’m cool with it. Flying is horrible anyway.