Oh, for the love…

Sometimes I just want to live in a little bubble that consists of my family and my home and get rid of things like school and dance and birthday parties and lunch meet-ups and fundraisers and texting and commitments. My little family here knows what’s expected and we handle things together pretty well. Disagreements are met with conversation (sometimes yelling and sometimes fighting) but are always resolved and things get put back together nicely and quickly.

Words are rarely misinterpreted and when they are, all it takes is a straightforward question and answer to get it all sorted out. Nothing vague is posted on social media sites, texts aren’t ignored (but read), emails aren’t sent but never replied to…you get the point.

I have times now and then when I have written blog posts all about how frustrated I am with people in general and how when I try really really hard to either make things right, or do the right thing, I’m often met with bratty replies or, even worse, indifference. I end up deleting them because Lord knows someone will think it’s aimed DIRECTLY at them (even though it never is just meant for one person) and I’ll be in trouble again.

I think this sums it up…nice

Just be nice.

I have trouble letting things go. I find myself getting into situations where, if I know something isn’t just or right, I’ll push until something is done about it. Sometimes, it would be loads easier to just let things go. But I don’t, and I’m willing to put up a fight if I think something good will come of it eventually; if something will be taught or if a wrong will be righted or if someone who is being treated poorly will be understood. And when I put up this fight, sometimes I also put up a wall between me and the world. I end up generalizing and saying how much I dislike people and how I don’t get along with anyone, etc. Which, really, is the opposite of what I want to do. Hypocritical much? But I want my kitten’s lives to be a little easier.

I’m not so much worried about me. Yeah, it sucks to be on the receiving end of a snotty attitude and the target of mean girls. Being ignored is the worst and always feeling like people are fighting with you when you had no intention of that in the first place is unsettling.

I can take care of myself and I have solid friends behind me who make life not only bearable, but incredible.

It’s her:

jfrt-7427

She’s still pretty new.

She’s at the age where girls stop playing ‘house’ and start playing ‘truth or dare.’ She’s been made fun of for her hairy legs and her unibrow and girls at school have literally laughed at her for no reason. I thought these were just the things in movies. But it’s real life and this sweet girl is my first of five who will have to navigate through it. I’m trying desperately to teach my girls what it’s like to be a friend. What it means to be generous and thoughtful and not to worry about being cool and popular. That it’s okay to really love fashion and trends but not to be caught up in it for status reasons. That caring for others and being concerned for their feelings might have to come first sometimes. Empathy doesn’t always come naturally, but I’m wanting my kids to have it eventually just be part of their character.

Moms: be nice. Teach your girls to be nice. Teach them to smile instead of scowl and to include instead of exclude. Teach them to forgive and to apologize. Teach them to laugh at someone’s jokes even if they think they aren’t really that funny and teach them that giving a compliment for no reason can make someone’s day. Teach them that the shy girl is usually just shy, not snobby, and that an invitation can change their world. Hard work is important, but being nice is even moreso.

 

Just be nice.

 

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8 thoughts on “Oh, for the love…

  1. Ann Watkins

    Ruthie – I just found your blog and its awesome πŸ™‚ I just have to say, Maria is the coolest. We love having her at Lego Robotics practice. She is kind, thoughtful, smart and a hard worker and is handling the new girl role like a champ. If people pick on her feel free to let her know that random people, like her Lego Robotics coaches, think she is pretty sweet! Whatever you are doing, keep doing it!

    Reply
  2. Angela

    I can completely relate. We homeschool but my girl has to navigate that path at gymnastics and dance. Oh my it is difficult when you personally have to go through it but trying to help your child go through it, it is beyond difficult. I am always thankful for the girls that are nice and include my daughter instead of finding some reason to make fun of her.

    Reply
  3. Stefanie

    Can I get an amen?! Seriously, these words are right on and something I think so many of us mommas struggle with on a weekly basis. As mommas I think it starts with us to set the example of how to just BE NICE, even to those moms that make us miserable at all the functions. Thanks for putting it all into words!

    Reply
  4. eprofitt

    UGH! My heart hurts for Maria. Luckily she has a great role model mama to help her through! And I’m already teaching Evelyn to wave and say hi instead of pointing! Nice girls unite!

    Reply
  5. Angela Terzulli

    I love this! You don’t know me (weird), but I’m a friend of Tara’s and have followed your blog for a while. My oldest daughter is nine and the words your write about Maria remind me so much of Ella. Kind souls! Too bad we didn’t live closer….they would totally be besties.
    Moms: be nice. Teach your girls to be nice.
    I don’t understand why it’s so hard.

    Reply
    1. Cheri Prasil

      Sorry she is Czech they are hairy, I plucked Dan’s eyebrows and Gary’s. E shaved her legs in 4th grade because people made fun of her. Maria can pluck and shave but her true shining self will always come through. We love her

      Reply

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