Sunday.

It’s sometimes hard to be happy and in a good mood and always willing to help and wanting every time to be a good time…that kind of thing. I think all those things are important and it makes life more fun. But sometimes life isn’t fun. And things happen. And my thoughts that I try really hard to keep in the back come to the front and it’s all I can think about.

And then I remember that it’s okay to think about them. And everyone has really hard times. When you get over them (and you will) and make it through, it makes life more happy I think.

I’m not unique in that I have a really hard time when I lose friends. I have a hard time when friendships end, I have a hard time when my friends die. I think everyone does, that’s one thing that makes us human. It hits me hard. Last weekend a friend of mine died. He and I hadn’t been close for some time, but we were pretty good friends in junior high and high school. His wife was one of my very best friends in junior high and even though we weren’t as close in high school, I still considered her one of my good friends. He died in a really tragic and horrible accident and they have 4 young children. The funeral was yesterday and since then, life has just kind of been hard.

I remember a few years ago when I first started going to my doctor for my anxiety issues. She told me that it’s hard to be a mom because you realize and understand your mortality a little more. That you will die. And that people will be left behind. And they will miss you horribly. And this is true whether you’re a mom or not of course, but there’s something about seeing those tiny little people of yours that makes it feel so true. And when you’re reminded of it in the face of a good friend, your heart breaks for her. I’m selfishly sad for myself, yes. I’ll miss my rare run-ins with Bryce and his hilarious laugh and really smart sense of humor, no doubt. The memories I have of him are even more important now. But I’m 100 times more sad for his wife. And for the moments she has to answer questions from her 3 boys and 1 girl. And for those holidays he isn’t there to share with her. And I’m heartbroken for his siblings and his parents who weren’t  anywhere close to prepared for this.

Life is hard.

One of my best friend’s dad spoke at the funeral. His family was very close with Bryce’s. He said that it’s okay to mourn. And it’s important. And it’s important to cry if that’s what you need to do. And even though I know that and have heard it a lot, I needed to hear it again. I am always wanting life to be perfect. I want perfect relationships where no one is mad at anyone else and everyone is easy-going and no one gets their feelings hurt and no one dies too young or of awful disease and no one is sad. But dude…that will never happen. Because life.

So I haven’t blogged for a little bit but I’m excited for a new week. Happy Sunday, friends!

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