52:14

littletalks

 

The first part of this song lyric says, “I don’t like walking around this old and empty house…”  It’s one of my favorite songs.  I’ve mentioned this before, but while I do love the mindless, random songs (I love Spice Girls as much as the next girl) I am a sucker for lyrics that really speak to me. Ones that I somehow can put myself into or that have a deeper meaning for me and might not mean the same to someone else.

I have internal struggles all the time.  It’s one of the horrible things about anxiety.  When you are constantly struggling with anxiety, you second guess yourself and your decisions every single day.  Did you say the right thing to that person?  Could they be made at you?  Did you sound crazy when you told your friend you were stressed about x, y, or z?  Sometimes I feel trapped.  Like I’m by myself in a huge and empty house and no one is there with me.  Could that sound any more emo?  But it’s true.  But I know there are always people (Danny for one) who will walk with me.  Who will hold my hand and let me know I’m not alone.  And then it doesn’t seem quite as scary.

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2 thoughts on “52:14

  1. Amanda Coleman

    Thank you for sharing this Ruthie. I also suffered from anxiety as a child and often (but not as much) as an adult. It took so long to get a grip on it. I still leave conversations wondering if I was too much or too little. To the point I don’t sleep a couple nights after and sometimes more. It’s awful and not very many people understand. Well, at least I don’t think they do. So, thank you for being so honest and brave.

    Reply
  2. Jennifer

    This post really spoke to me. I have anxiety as well and often feel the same way you have written that you feel in your post. It hit so close to home that I sit here in tears out of relief that I’m not alone and because I know how unsettling those feelings are. You are so blessed to have a partner to lean on. It’s tough to go it alone. Thank you for being so raw and honest in your writing, it means a lot to me.

    Reply

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