Being a mom is freaking hard. It’s exhausting and draining and scary. It’s frustrating and sad and there are some days when you want to lock yourself in your room and watch Law and Order: SVU and pretend like there isn’t a room full of laundry to sort and put away, diapers to change and people needing to be picked up from school. It’s really, really hard.
But it’s also so, so good. Even during the hardest days, I’d never give it up and trade for the easiest days without them. It’s that worth it.
I became a mom the second I saw the + sign on that Albertson’s brand pregnancy test in July of 2004. In my friend’s living room. Fast forward 9 years and now there are 5 little kittens who I get to wake up to every single morning. 5 perfect and healthy children who I kind of can’t believe are mine.
I want to be the kind of mom who laughs and smiles and is silly more often than I am upset and angry and sending kids to time-out. I want to tell each of them that I want them to do whatever makes them happy and actually mean it. I want to do things that will make them proud. I want to kiss them and hug them and tell them they are beautiful both inside and out every single chance I get. I want to be that mom. The one who refuses to curse at her kids and who expects them to try their hardest, no matter what. The mom who loves the dad more than anything in the world and shows by example how to treat others.
Basically, I wanna be just like my grandma and my mom. They are (and were) the best.
I will admit that I am the biggest mama’s girl in the entire universe. I am not sure I have ever gone a day without calling my Mom. It’s rare that I don’t have something to tell her (the kids provide me with so many good stories to tell), but if I don’t, I still call. The call might last 2 minutes or less, but that’s all I need. She’s the one who helps calm me down if I’m feeling very anxious. She helps me make decisions if I can’t make up my mind and spoils my babies rotten. She is encouraging and knows what is important to me and helps to make it happen if I can’t quite do it myself. She gives the best advice and listens to me cry. She doesn’t try and hug me when I’m upset because she knows I wouldn’t like it. She knows I love her even if I don’t say those words (does this make me sound like a horrible daughter? I’m not, I promise. She knows I love her). She knows how much I love my kids and tells me she’s proud of me. And best of all, when she orders things from Sephora and gets something free like a makeup brush or a sweet sample, she gives it to me. That is love.
And my grandma? My grandma was amazing. She was one of my best friends and I felt like I was her favorite. The thing is, my brothers felt like they were her favorites and I’m sure my cousins felt like they were her favorites, too. We all were her favorites and it was the best feeling ever. She rarely cooked family meals, but her chicken strips and noodles were pretty bomb. She could butter cinnamon toast like a top chef and the goodies she gave out for Halloween were the best. She attended so many basketball, softball, volleyball and baseball games, it was ridiculous. She was the best mom to my mom and aunts.
So happy mother’s day, Mom (she’s in Amsterdam probably smoking pot….bahahahahaha i couldn’t even type that with a straight face….). Thanks for being gone so I have an extra week to find you a perfect gift.
See? She is the best mom.